If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
accomplished twins. life is a go
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
