I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
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