I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
