I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
