90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
