win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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