thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
