Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
