these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
