There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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