I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
