I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
