Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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