My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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