And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
