38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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