Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
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He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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