WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
