you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
