Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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