If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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