i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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