also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
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I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
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Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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