Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
