I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
