I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
We named our party play list daddy issues
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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