Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm at about main and main street
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
