Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
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Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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