Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Randomize
