There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
