woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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