I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
