Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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