I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
