Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
