I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
