I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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