I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
