Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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