My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize