So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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