3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Randomize
