My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
