so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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