just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
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I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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