They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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