I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
a search helicopter?!
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Randomize
