like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
