i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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