just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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