she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
