His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
