she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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