soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
