hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
