The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize
