i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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