so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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