I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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