Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
