Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
