There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
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She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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