I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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