am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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