I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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