I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
It's official drugs can't kill me
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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