i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
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Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
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Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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