I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You are the jesus of drinking
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
