There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Randomize
