Me. At least after what I've been through.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
