WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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