Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
