You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
